i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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