you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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