I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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