Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
