I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
