she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
