she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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