There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
