the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
