guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
