it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
