You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
