After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
