Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
