Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
