Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
