if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
