Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
false alarm, still single
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