Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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