We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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