Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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