Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
