He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I checked into jail on foursquare
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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