Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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