then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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