I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
