he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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