he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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