I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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