if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You may now shotgun with the bride
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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