This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
