Bisexual people are plain selfish.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
