I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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