here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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