dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
