he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
