Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
