today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
where are my eyebrows?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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