i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
