Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
