I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
