i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize