if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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