I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
