How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
