He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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