I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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