So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
So. Much. Porn.
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