Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
