Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
