i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
