Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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