I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
