I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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