i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
