Can i not drive my cunt home
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
