1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
