we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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