Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
