he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
