Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
