The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
