47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
