For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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