What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
