ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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