it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
