It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
