She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
