Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
