very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
